


Searching for Hidden Meaning

by Kizmet



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Emotionally Inept Celestials, Episode: s05e08 Spoiler Alert (Lucifer TV), F/M, Insecure Lucifer, Post-S5a, Protective Chloe Decker, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kizmet/pseuds/Kizmet
Summary: Lucifer can't help but wonder:  "Why now?"Even discounting his rebellion it's hardly the first time he's gotten in a fight with his siblings.  So why now?
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, God & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 233





	Searching for Hidden Meaning

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, definitely should be working on works in progress but I just finished watching S5a and this is where my brain went.

**Lucifer**

From the light Lucifer heard a voice he hadn’t managed to forget even though he hadn’t heard it since the Dawn of Humanity, “Children, you know I hate it when you fight,” God said smiling benevolently. And, all over again, it’s that moment when Amenadiel told him that their Father resolved the demon issue within just a few mortal days of Amenadiel taking responsibility watching the Gates of Hell. _‘Father says He hates it when His children fight. Where was He every time Amenadiel cast me back into Hell? Where was He when Uriel was threatening Mum and the Detective?’_

God frowned at Michael and Lucifer wished he could enjoy seeing his twin taken to task for once. “Michael, how could you harm your brother’s child?”

“It wasn’t anything really, just a cold,” Michael justified. “Given little Charlie’s parentage it was bound to happen sometime, all I did was prompt the inevitable a small bit. It was nothing, comparatively. _Samael-_ ”

_‘Destroyed Uriel.’_ Lucifer felt his heart race and his breathing begin to quicken. Despairingly, he glanced back at the closet where he’d left the Detective. _‘Maybe I still have one last chance to make things right,’_ he thought as he quietly backed away from the confrontation. He opened the door and slipped inside. Gently, Lucifer took Chloe’s frozen hand and settled in to wait.

Several moments later the sound of falling glass preceded Chloe’s hand tightening on his. “You are everything to me Chloe,” Lucifer said.

“Lucifer, what-“ Chloe began as she took in his suddenly disheveled state.

Lucifer glanced fearfully at the door then continued in a rush. “I would do anything to ensure your happiness and wellbeing. Every day I was gone I had to remind myself that I was there to protect you, that I was keeping you and Charlie, the Urchin and Ms. Lopez, Dr. Linda and even Daniel, safe. If I hadn't, I would have abandoned Hell all over again simply to lay eyes on you again.”

“Why can’t you just say that you love me, Lucifer?” Chloe pled.

“Every day I had to convince myself that you were better off without me. I think- I think I’ve known it was true ever since- Since- Chloe, I know I complained but the truth is that you handled learning that you’re a Miracle ever so much better than I did, both in speed and the distinct lack of a Vegas wedding.”

“That’s what that was about?” Chloe squawked. Her expression did something complex that wasn’t completely unhappy, Lucifer took it as a win.

“I never meant to hurt you, please believe me,” Lucifer hurried on, with another nervous glance at the door. “But it seems I do nothing but. And if not me then my family: Mum’s schemes preventing you from getting justice for your father. She and Uriel’s attempts on your life. And then I learnt that my- That God had put you in my path- I _do_ understand that you disliked feeling as if your whole existence has been a manipulation and I didn’t want that for you but I couldn’t stay away. I- I thought I could remain your friend and partner if I were to clarify that I was _only_ your friend and partner, that if I didn’t get too close I could remain without endangering you or- Or making you less. A rather spectacular backfire I must admit. However much the evidence may indicate the contrary, I don’t mean to bring harm upon you. But perhaps it is simply my nature, I was created to be poison after all.

“I’m afraid, Detective- Chloe, that the ‘gift’ I was meant to receive through you was clarity. To see myself and realize that no matter how I try I can’t escape that I am indeed a poison to everyone who gets close to me,” Lucifer admitted, voice soft in surrender. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, but no matter what I do it always seems to come back to that. Regardless of what I want, I keep hurting you. So perhaps this is for the best.”

“You’re leaving again,” Chloe said. She hunched her shoulders as if to ward off a blow. “When?”

Lucifer couldn’t stop himself from glancing toward the door again.

Chloe’s hand snapped to her gun, her eyes igniting with fury. “Is someone making you leave?”

“D-” Lucifer cut himself off. “God is here. After He finishes scolding Michael for giving Charlie a cold I expect it will be my turn. Apparently, Michael and Amenadiel fighting compelled Him to intervene... He says he hates for his children to fight.”

Chloe frowned, “You were involved in that fight too.”

“It’s unimportant,” Lucifer dismissed it with a shrug. “Chloe, I l-” The word caught in his throat again. Then he laughed ruefully. “Disaster has already struck, I can hardly make it worse. I love you Chloe Decker and I wish, more than anything, that I could bring you happiness but- I have tried, for so long, to cast off ‘Samael’ but despite my best efforts it seems I’m still poison, if no longer ‘of God’.”

“That wasn’t what I intended.”

* * *

**Chloe**

“Every day I had to convince myself that you were better off without me. I think- I think I’ve known it was true ever since- Since- Chloe, I know I complained but the truth is that you handled learning that you’re a Miracle so much better than I did, both in speed and the distinct lack of a Vegas wedding.”

“That’s what that was about?” Chloe squawked. And it shouldn’t have been a comfort that Lucifer had freaked out about the whole literal ‘gift from God’ thing but it totally was. _‘But seriously, what did LUCIFER have to freak out about? I’m the one who left feeling like fucking thing- I hope Amenadiel’s right and the real ‘gift’ wasn’t me but my ability to really see him.’_

But Lucifer hurried on without giving her the chance to say anything. “I never meant to hurt you, please believe me.”

And that was a kick in the teeth because Lucifer didn’t lie. All of his crazy-making fuck-ups had been well intended or at least the product of genuine ignorance but Chloe couldn’t pretend that the whole Rome debacle hadn’t been an attempt to hurt him. Kinley had made a few half-hearted remarks about how being sent back to Hell was for Lucifer’s own good whenever she’d started balking but he’d had multiple books- _‘Of circumstantial evidence at best and why didn’t I ever ASK Lucifer why he was in Chicago during the Great Fire instead of just assuming it was more than coincidence? And now there’s the whole asshole twin angle to consider as well. -Hundreds of pages to convince me that Lucifer was a threat to the world and the occasional pat on the hand and ‘It’s best for Lucifer as well’ when I started to really think about how I was plotting to betray him. How could I let that be enough to sway me, even for a day?’_

“However much the evidence may indicate the contrary, I don’t mean to bring harm upon you. But perhaps it is simply my nature, I was created to be poison after all.”

Chloe’s eyes widened, _‘And I was complaining to him about being made as a gift?’_

“I’m afraid, Detective- Chloe, that the ‘gift’ I was meant to receive through you was clarity. To see myself and realize that no matter how I try I can’t escape that I am indeed a poison to everyone who gets close to me.”

Chloe staggered. The moment Lucifer said it she realized that fear had been in the back of her mind all along. Lucifer’s issues with his Father had always been on clear display. Back when she’d thought it was all a metaphor there’d been days when Lucifer would say or do something that displayed his damage so clearly that she’d fantasized about kicking his father in the nuts if she ever met him. _‘And then it wasn’t metaphors and the dad that Lucifer rails at so much is ACTUALLY, capital G-God and he’s Lucifer’s Father and the Religions that venerate Him vilify Lucifer- In this century Kinley was an outlier but a couple hundred years ago-’_ Chloe shuddered at the thought of snippets she’d picked up about witch-hunts. _‘Those Satanist murders infuriated Lucifer but- How does a parent stand by and do nothing while there are people practically LINING UP to hurt your kid? And doing it in your name? What kind of parent does that? And what sort of ‘gift’ does_ that _parent give his child? Bad enough to be reduced to a thing but if Lucifer’s Father truly made me to_ hurt _him? No wonder he freaked out.’_

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Lucifer continued desperately, talking so fast that his words tripped over one another. “I never wanted to hurt you, but no matter what I do it always seems to come back to that. Regardless of what I want, I keep hurting you. So perhaps this is for the best.”

“You’re leaving again,” Chloe realized. _No! I can’t do this again. Not again._ “When?”

Lucifer couldn’t stop himself from sending yet another fearful glance toward the door.

The imminent threat implied by Lucifer’s body language sent Chloe reaching for her gun. _‘Michael? Is this more of his bullshit? Why can’t bullets work on the right twin?’_ Chloe thought. “Is someone forcing you to leave?”

“D-” Lucifer cut himself off. “God is here. After He finishes scolding Michael for giving Charlie a cold I rather expect it will be my turn. Apparently, Michael and Amenadiel fighting compelled Him to intervene, He says he hates for his children to fight.”

_‘’God’ not ‘Dad’? What the Hell happened?’_

“You were involved in that fight too,” Chloe

“It’s unimportant,” Lucifer dismissed it with a shrug. “Chloe, I l-” he began then choked.

_‘He really doesn’t love me,’_ Chloe thought despairingly.

Lucifer laughed ruefully. “Disaster has already struck, I can hardly make it worse. I love you Chloe Decker and I wish, more than anything, that I could bring you happiness but- I have tried, for so long, to cast off ‘Samael’ but despite my best efforts it seems I’m still poison, if no longer ‘of God’.”

“That wasn’t what I intended.” The voice was quiet and regretful.

Lucifer shoved Chloe behind him. His wings, red and monstrous, slammed into the walls, the supply closet was much too small to accommodate them. Between the wings and Lucifer himself, slightly taller and broader in his Devil-form, Chloe wasn’t able to catch so much as a glimpse of the speaker. _‘God, that’s God.’_

Lucifer’s breathing was harsh, ragged. “Whatever you’re going to do, just do it. If You’re going to send me back to Hell or destroy me for what I did to Uriel, just do it.”

There was a long pause and Chloe pressed close to Lucifer. Her hands knotted in the back of his jacket, her cheek against his spine in the space between his wings.

“I failed to see how your Mother and I’s quarrels had affected Uriel,” God sighed. “If I’d been paying more attention I would have stopped him before he laid hands on his sister’s blade.”

“Mum told me!” Lucifer exploded. “She told me She had to beg you to only cast me into Hell and no one died in my rebellion! Uriel’s gone! Amenadiel and Michael are fighting! You hate it when Your children fight and it’s my fault. Everything is my fault isn’t it? So just do it!”

Chloe could feel Lucifer was shaking as he confronted his Father. _‘Either we’re dead or- Or there’d be no point in kicking Him,’_ she thought. _‘If Trixie ever looked at me like that- Lucifer’s terrified! -If I ever had to face hurting my kid like that- It’d kill me.’_

“So,” Chloe said, forcing her voice to stay casual as her fingers knotted in the back of Lucifer’s jacket. “‘It wasn’t Your intention to make Lucifer think that You- You’ve got to know that a lot of us humans think that Hell is the absence of Your love. But it wasn’t Your intention to make Lucifer feel unloved? That, what? Makes you the origin of good intentions paving the road to Hell? Or was that Your son's body after You threw him out? Well, sometimes we’ve got to own our actions, not just our intentions.”

“Ms. Decker-”

Lucifer bristled. Plaster dust showed down on them as his wings scraped the ceiling and walls.

“Sam-” God cut himself off with a sigh, “I swear to you, I will not harm her… Do you wonder that I tried to reach out indirectly? I can’t even name you without doing harm. You loath ‘Samael’ but if I call you ‘Lucifer’ you’ll take it as confirmation that I no longer consider you my son- And that is not true.”

“You and Azrael, quite the pair,” Lucifer said shakily. “It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just so damned awkward… And I really have to admit it’s all my fault, hmm?”

“No child, you don’t,” Lucifer’s Father said. “Your actions are your own… But my reactions are mine. I am not without fault in what happened. I thought perhaps, if you had a reason to want to come home...”

Chloe sagged against Lucifer in relief, _‘We’re not dead. I am apparently intended as some sort of bribe. And Lucifer’s emotional intelligence or lack thereof is an inherited trait. But Lucifer’s Dad isn’t evil, doesn’t hate him and maybe this can all work out!'_ Chloe felt Lucifer tense against her and amended. _‘Maybe, after Lucifer’s done freaking out.’_

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope that, at the very least, they include a throw away line to explain why God’s intervening now when He didn’t get involved in Lucifer and Uriel’s S2 fight. Something, anything to sort out how the current brawl between Lucifer, Michael, Amenadiel and Maze requires a personal appearance when the earlier fight, the one with the Celestial destroying artifact in the mix, was ignored. 
> 
> Fanfic writers specialize in filling in gaps in canon but I’d still appreciate recognition that this is hardly the first Celestial brawl and that Uriel’s death hasn’t been forgotten.


End file.
